she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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