this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
