How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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