Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
