id be glad to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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