Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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