You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
