I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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