You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
