We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
