Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
