There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
