Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
