Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
