So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
