I just saw a hot homeless man
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
