Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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