I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize