I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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