Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
