I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
