Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
