Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize