I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
