Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
