you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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