I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize