you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
