she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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