he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
