if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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