I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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