She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
