And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
