I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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