so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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