remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
