and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
