Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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