wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
