I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
