Pants 0. Shit 1.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
