we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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