i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
