today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
