he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
