i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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