When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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