this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize