when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
