Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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