I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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