I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
