I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
