Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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