oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
