Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
