i permit you to call me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
