smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
