so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
