i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize