This is not my ceiling
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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