I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
